Down & Out

So my band just had a show this past Saturday. We shared the night with another band called the Shotgun Sheras. They're an all girl country band, and they were great. It was fun for the most part, but I just can't seem to shake myself from feeling down and depressed on the fact that I played so poorly that evening. I made numerous mistakes on many songs that I already know very very well. The feeling of nervousness and anxiousness is just so different when on stage than during practice that it's hard to prepare for sometimes. Though all in all, I wasn't really THAT nervous, so maybe that's the problem. I understand some of the problems I faced that evening, some are fixable and some I don't quite know what to do about. Example, that was the first time I was actively harmonizing with the band while playing at the same time. So that's fixable. Just need more practice and get more use to doing that. However, I also noticed that sometimes my mind wanders while playing, thinking about other things, may or may not even be related to the song or the moment. Most of time it's got something to do with the next part, or the next song or whatnot, but sometimes it's entirely something else all together. How to fix that? I need to learn how to focus I guess. Ha! So what else is new, right?


I looked back at the video shot that night, and I can't even look at it. It just brings me down. I know what most people would say... oh it wasn't so bad, you're okay, and you're having fun... most of it is true perhaps. But at the same time, I feel there's no reason for such terrible playing on material that I know so well already, and did as poorly as I did. Tunji says I'm being hard on myself, but I don't know... I don't think so. I'm trying to look at it realistically, and see that I did a terrible job! I just feel bad that my band mates have to put up with me. Makes me feel I should just do everybody a favor and quit playing all together. Well, okay, maybe that's a bit drastic, so I'll just let that brew a bit and I'm sure I'll snap out of it.